the how.

How this all started and I ended up with implants in the first place is an important piece of my story. 


As a child I was a very thin tomboy looking girl with little fat tissue growing up. A stick on the mud if you will. The jokes I encountered from other kids and even my own adult relatives were that I "looked like a little boy." I was cat called "come here little boy" and it bothered me because I didn't want to be a boy. Perhaps this contributed to my distorted perception of body image as a teenager, even though my parents always loved me and supported me just the way I was. When I grew hips and thighs, but still no boobs by the age of 18, I longed for a breast augmentation to feel balanced and womanly.


I can recall stuffing my padded AA bra's with toilet paper when I would go out just so I would have the appearance of breasts. I tried push up bras, fillers among other things to enhance my bust. I spent countless hours in front of the mirror tearing myself apart and telling myself "if only I had bigger breasts" then everything would be so much better. I felt inadequate when seeing magazine covers and perfect looking celebrities with nice busts. I hated putting on beautiful fitted dresses because I had nothing to fill them out. Looking back now, I see how beautiful I was as me, but the distortion I had developed in my head at the time meant I couldn’t see it.


In my mid 20's I went ahead with the surgery and bought myself a set of Natrelle Smooth Silicone High Profile implants that took me from "A" to a "C". While the recovery was no fun, the surgery went fine and I loved my new look. Plain and simple. I felt feminine, I felt like nobody would ever mistake me for a "boy." I felt proportionate for once in my life. It boosted my confidence I felt whole. I was happy. ​


Life went on and I felt content with my decision. (Pictured below 1 year prior to getting implants)

Breast Implant Illness Awareness


My Breast Explant Journey